Posted in Blogging about the Blog, Career Change, Identity, Vocation

No longer a Catholic or an educator; I’m just me now

The details of why I was asked to leave the school early don’t much matter, but I did see it coming.  I had become unnecessary and was no longer this year’s “flavor of the month” so I needed to go.  Add to that a jealous coworker who, I have, over time, realized that her own job security was threatened if I stayed around too much.  She made sure to tell our boss I wasn’t loyal, so I got exited.  We negotiated a settlement and I left.

I had no choice in the matter, really.  My savings had already been decimated based on the dream that was making this school a reality.  I desperately needed my income to continue while I searched for a job.  If I had done the “I don’t quit, you fire me” thing, I would have had to take unemployment, which would have been considerably less and unreliable, too.

I ended up with a two-month vacation, paid, during which point I searched for work and began rethinking my own identity.  I started my new job just in time so there would be no real gap in my income or even, officially, my employment history.  While illegal to pay a settlement over time, that’s how my school does it.  You have to pay a lump sum at dismissal in my state, but they never do and no one ever complains since we’re afraid to say anything and lose the settlement.

Anyway, the thing about being an Autistic female is that we are so very chameleon-like that, over time, we have little idea who we are really.  I realized, during this journey, that I did a lot of things that only make sense given that I am Autistic.  Who makes these grand sacrifices, at the expense of her own career and her relationship with her family?  Well, an Autistic woman does, if she has internalized the societal rules of what a “good girl” does and what a “good Catholic girl” is like.

On the journey, I realized that, as usual, I don’t even want to be a teacher per-se or ever administrate a school again.  The fact is, I’m good with data and not great with people, assuming those people are largely Neurotypical and assuming those people are adults, besides.  Neurodivergent kids?  I’d love to spend time with them.  I always have.  But the thing is I have more in common with a Neurodivergent tween or teen than I do with a neurotypical adult.  That breeds a kind of closeness that can be unhealthy, so it’s not per-se ideal to spend too much time around tweens and teens for me.

Beyond that, why am I in education at all?  School was where I have historically been treated badly by everyone involved, except when a few teachers who were kind to me.  Everyone at the school I just left was trying to stab me in the back last year (and continued for a few beyond that this year).  And yet, I kept going back.  Who does that, unless she is feeling Stockholm Syndrome?

Continue reading “No longer a Catholic or an educator; I’m just me now”

Unhidden posts and other fun stuff

If you’re curious, there were a fair number of hidden posts that went unhidden.  Some may not have been published at all yet, and others may just have been hidden to be doubly safe because I can be a bit paranoid.  So, if you’re wondering about that, well, that’s what happened.

I now work for an employer who even says in the policy manual that blogging at work or on work machines a personal blog is fine on my own time, so long as I add the standard disclaimer.  I know full well that if I do that, then it can be “discoverable” in a lawsuit so I’m not going to do THAT, but it does lessen the burdens on me that I faced as a teacher-administrator blogger.  It’s just one of many new perks I have now that I no longer am in Catholic education.

So, I’ll be back as I have things to say, and hopefully we can get to know each other again in a new way.

Available for viewing

Hi, all–

I’m back, at least, from a “you can see the blog now” angle.

I learned a lot over the past few months, and I’ll be blogging again soon, assuming there’s interest in a return.  If I do return, do note there will be considerable changes with regard to content since I’m making a lot of serious changes in who Nicole is, as a result of leaving the school I loved far sooner than I intended.  Identity is an ongoing problem with Autistics, particularly Autistic women who love to mask, and I’ve done a lot of introspection over these last two months.

BUT the main thing is that I am gainfully employed again, so I feel safe resurrecting the blog.

 

Temporary Hiatus

During the job hunt, which has come faster than expected due to a mutual agreement with my now former employer, I am temporarily putting the blog on hiatus and removed a lot of posts.

I am still writing blog posts, and will work on design/revision of what is here, so you may notice some changes.

You can reach me, as always, via e-mail or Twitter.

Posted in Blogging about the Blog

I’m back!

The domain was due to retire and I got to thinking about whether I should let the blog go or not.

I think you can see what I decided.  I’m going to give it a try to be as carefully anonymous as possible.  I will inevitably mess this up and reveal my identity here and there and then try to fix it. Anyway, for those of you who may know me offline (or think you do), do be mindful of the fact that I’m doing my best to balance my need for privacy with the desire to make a difference in the intersectional space of being a Catholic Autistic and what it means for me as an educator, wife, mother, employer, and so on.

I’ll be bringing back old articles with editing (and yes, people who advised me, I could have just backed up the blog instead of porting out the articles and this would have been much simpler) and blogging anew as I think of things to say.

If you had a particularly favorite piece from the old site, let me know, and I’ll see if I can dig it up and bring it back sooner, rather than later.

Welcome back, readers!