Yesterday’s post about not feeling great at work (or at life, I guess) was bleak, and I apologize for that.
Today, I guess I just want to write a little bit about how all that negativity about the limits of being Autistic has to do with the Neurodiversity movement, which I strongly support.
In our “outside” circles, I guess, we Neurodiversity folk get a bad reputation for focusing on the positives about what it’s like to be Autistic (or otherwise Neurodivergent) and I generally do try to do that. In fact, I firmly believe that what’s happening to me right now has nothing to do with me as a person or even the employers of the world out there as much as I believe it has to do with society; society Disables me and because I’m privileged enough to be white, raised middle class, and can hide my Disability if I want to (or, at least, I can try to hide it; it takes getting to know me before people might see it). Because I am so privileged, I end up acting sometimes like I don’t have the sense to realize the ableism around me and how it impacts my life.
But I am very aware of it.
If anything, I’m more aware of it because I still have that “manifest destiny” thing inside me (as racist as that is besides). I firmly believe I should be able to author my own fate and change everything.
But then I realize that despite it all, I can’t do it. I will always be less because my view of the world impacts me considerably.